Hearing God Speak in the Little Things...

I was searching for some music online this morning and came across this song by Third Day. I have heard the song before but never really "listened" to the words. This morning I listened and it just spoke to me. It is funny how we can hear a song forever and then one day it just stands out in a special way. I like to think of it as one of God's special ways of speaking to us, or giving us a message just when we need it. When I listened to this today, it brought tears to my eyes. This song describes just how I have been feeling the past little while. Hearing this, this morning, was a reminder to me of where I need to be. God has NEVER left my side, even though I was pretending He wasn't there, He was right there waiting for me . He never promised us a life that was easy and without pain, suffering and heartbreak but He DID promise that He would never leave us, never forsake us. What an awesome God we serve!! His grace is amazing, His love for us is amazing. I feel like I can not even begin to put His greatness into words. I am so thankful that I have the hope and comfort He gives and can lay all my worries and problems at His feet and know that He is in control and only through Him, can I get through whatever my journey brings.

Mountain of God
Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

And I didn’t even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

‘Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn’t ever make it
Without You

Even though the journey’s long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who’s gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I’ve been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me

I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again

Sometimes I think of where it is I’ve come from
And the things I’ve left behind
But of all I’ve had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what’s in front of me
With what’s in front of me

ARRGGHH

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH just ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH..okay I feel better now..............I think.

The small things....

I am really trying to pay attention to the small things in life. I mean really looking to see God's hand in my life in EVERYTHING, the good and the bad. So, today, maybe was some of the bad stuff, I apparently caught a tummy bug from who knows where. It hit me around noon and needless to say, not much was accomplished since then. Yeah, it was a little harder to notice the "blessings" while feeling so icky but I did it anyway. I am determined to make this a habit. The first thing that really touched me was Aaron, my oldest. He is very helpful and he knew I wasn't feeling well. He asked to go to a friend's house and I told him he could go for a while ( just down the street). I was outside trying to see if the fresh air would perk me up and taking the puppy out too. Ian was running around the yard playing and I just wasn't feeling like playing. Well, I was surprised to see Aaron come back home after only a few minutes. I asked him to play with Ian on the swing for a few minutes and he happily said sure. Well, then he wanted to take Ian to play on the big dirt hill in the back. My heart just melted as they gathered up Ian's Tonka dump truck and another truck and set off across the yard. Ian riding in the Tonka and Aaron pushing. It was so nice to see my boys together just having fun. Aaron is such a good big brother. I am blessed to have such a great teenager to call my son!
The second time I had to stop to thank God was this evening, I was laying on the couch and the kids were just being so so good, no arguing, no fighting....the two little ones were right there beside me and the big kids were doing their "thing". Kristen was playing on the computer and when I came in to check my email, she had sent me an e-card. She sent the cutest feel better card that really made me smile. She has such a heart of gold and is so thoughtful. I am blessed to have such a sweet girl. Last but not least, I am blessed to have the husband I do, he was out late last night, worked all day and had to be out again tonight (he is gone now). Well, he had planned to come home and nap for a couple hours before he had to leave. I had planned to go to the store when he got home but he went for me since I was laying down. Then, he came home and cooked dinner which meant he only had about 20 minutes to lay down before he had to go. He works so hard for us and never complains. I know he is a blessing from God!
It is so amazing to me, how the Lord really is present, no matter where we are, or what we are doing...or as was my case today, how we are feeling. I have for so long been pushing Him away, just trying to live my life and not really paying attention to what was really going on. It isn't that I didn't think He was there, more like I chose not to acknowledge His presence. As I am trying to focus more on him, I am realizing just how much I have been missing out on. Christ offers us so much joy and hope and peace if we will just accept His offer. The past couple years, I haven't been accepting the offer, instead I have been putting my hands over my eyes and trying not to see. What a loss!! No, I am not proud to say this, but it is true, I am ashamed at the way I have been. My heart just feels so much lighter again now that I have opened my eyes and turned my focus back to where it should have been all along. I praise God that He NEVER leaves us, even when we push Him aside. He is always there waiting with open and loving arms for us to come back to Him. My prayer is that I am disciplined enough to stay on track and to keep looking for His hand in all parts of my life and to praise Him for EVERY blessing, no matter how big or how small....even on the icky tummy days, He is amazing!
Psalm 59:17 O my Strength, I will sing praises to you, for you, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love.
1 Chronicles 16:9 Sing to him; sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works!
Psalm 30:12 that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!
Psalm 40:3 He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.
Psalm 42:11 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

Answers to prayer..

I wasn't going to blog this but the longer I sit here and think about it, I know I should. After all, aren't we supposed to praise God in ALL things, not just the big things? So, the other day I posted how I have been feeling stressed, this stress is coming strictly from financial issues. Yesterday started off in a not so good way, more financial thing and I was extremely stressed, to the point that I was just ready to explode. I was at a loss at what to do to "fix" things. Of course, the problem here was that *I* was trying to fix it, just me, alone.......not a good solution. I had to go to coop, so I just left saying, I will deal with things when I get home. While driving to coop, I started thinking about what to do, and the only solution I came up with was PRAY, just turn it over to the Lord and let HIM show me the answer. Then, when we got to coop, our little devotional we have, was about turning things over to God 100%, not holding on, and trying to do things within our own power. So, that was my answer, I just prayed and said Lord, please show me what to do, show me how we are going to work this out. I went on about my day in a much better way after that point. I tried hard to really let go and let GOD!! Now, on to the REALLY good stuff. When I got home, I logged on to our checking account to take another look....well, I couldn't believe when the check ( a rather large one) that I thought had not cleared, and there wasn't enough money for it to clear, had in fact cleared!! I don't know how I missed it when I had checked earlier that morning, but it had gone through none the less. I immediately, thanked the Lord!! As if that wasn't enough, He did more!! Randy was supposed to have a gig to play Friday night and then found out it was cancelled. We were counting on that money from the gig to help out and were kind of bummed that it fell through. Well, after we came home from church last night, the phone rang and not only did they want them to play Friday night, but now they want them to play Saturday night as well!!! I just can't say how encouraging it was for these blessing to arrive. I know this may not seem like a huge deal to some, and maybe even petty to others, but I don't care. In the place I am right now, so wanting to surrender my life back to Christ and be living the way I need to be, this was a huge blessing. I know without a doubt, if I hadn't prayed and wholeheartedly given this situation over, the outcome would not have happened like it did.
I just want to jump up and down and say PRAISE THE LORD for he is AWESOME!!!

Philippians 4:6 -7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus

I love the stars.......

Yes, I love stars.....not in the nursery rhyme way but in my own special little way. Most people who know me know that the star is a sort of symbol of my marriage and therfore holds a very special meaning in my life. (I mean it must be something special for me to have gotten a tattoo of a star right?!) Anyway......so today just wasn't the best day. Nothing really bad happened, I mean it was pretty much a normal day around here, I have just been in a stressed, feeling down, blah kind of mood. I know maybe it is petty and things could be so so much worse, so many people are dealing with really huge issues so I shouldn't complain. I know we all have days like that though.
OK, back to the stars......I just laid Ian down for the night and was just going to go crawl into my bed and pray tomorrow is a brighter day. I went into the kitchen to do my nightly routine of closing the garage door , locking the doors and getting the coffee pot set for the morning. The garage door woke Maggie ( my puppy) up who was sleeping in her kennel. Of course, this meant I had to go back outside with her one more time. Well, isn't it funny how God works sometimes.......here I was prepared to go to bed....feeling down and dark, planning to just fall asleep wallowing in my self pitty and gloomness........and what is the first thing that catches my eye when I walked out the door, yep, you guessed it! STARS!! The stars just seemed to be extra bright when I went out the door and oh so beautiful! It just made me think, that even in the darkness of the night, God was there! He was right there!! Just like He always has been and always will be, shining His light, giving me His hope, His peace and His comfort, just when I needed to be reminded of it the most. HE is so amazing!! Seeing those stars shining just lifted my heart and let me know that He is in control. No matter how stressing things are, He is right there. He is the constant, the never changing, the one who places the start perfectly in the sky every night.....................HE is in control. How easy it is to let life overwhelm me, but in the darkness, He renews my spirit and gives me peace like nothing else can. It was like, He placed those stars in the sky JUST for me tonight. Praise the LORD, for He is good!!
Now, I am going to bed and instead of worrying about the little things, my last thoughts for the day will be focused on the Lord and His unchanging and unwavering love. I know tomorrow will be okay because HE is Lord!

One of my greatest gifts.....

Sitting here drinking my coffee this morning, the house is quiet still but not for much longer I am sure. We will be on the go shortly. Anyway, I was just sitting here thinking about how I have been blessed in so many ways. It is so easy to get side tracked and take things for granted, I am talking about the every day things that tend to go unnoticed more often than not. Today, I am so thankful for Randy. I know I don't tell him enough and I am trying to get better about that. He works so hard to take care of us and is always trying to do things to make sure we are happy. I am so blessed to have him as my life partner, my hubby, my best friend and my honest to goodness soul mate.
I still like to think about the first days after we met, how excited I was, how I couldn't wait for him to get home, just see his face, hear his voice and feel his arms around me.......and the greatest thing is.....after almost 14 years, I am still feeling the same way. One of my most favorite things in this world is to just curl up in his arms and forget about everything else for just a minute or two. He was my knight in shinning armour then, and he still is. I feel just as excited now as I did when it all began.
I love the way Randy can always make me smile, even when I don't want him to. He can always make me feel better when life just has me down. He is excited with me when I am excited and will cry with me when I just feel like crying.
Yes, there have been hard times, and times that we could have done without, but even then, we knew we would make it through together and we have done just that! I am so proud to say we are still together, when so many people thought it would never last. Today when it seems so many people don't think marriage is important and so easily "give up" just because, it makes me really realize what a special thing we have. It is so nice to know, whatever happens, good or bad, at the end of the day, I know Randy is there for me.
Randy is such a good papa to our kids too. He doesn't think twice about playing with them or doing something silly just to make them laugh. I think that fall right up there as one of my favorite things too.....seeing him play with the kids or just snuggling one of them just makes my heart melt. I could just sit and watch this happening for hours and hours and never get tired of it. There is something so special about seeing the bond between him and the kids.
Well, there is so much more I want to say but I have run out of time for now. It is time to start our day....but, more to come later.

My candle is barely flickering.....

The past while I have been thinking so much about my life....to be more exact, I should say my spiritual life. I don't really know exactly how to explain the spot I am in spiritually.....I guess the best way to describe it is I have been lukewarm, and honestly I am not sure I was even lukewarm. (Revelation 3:16(NIV) So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold). I don't like being this way and I am ready to turn my life back to the Lord and let HIM start my fire again. I know I haven't been opening my heart up like I should be for the past couple years, and I know I have been holding onto a lot of hurt and anger and various other emotions. I am having a hard time putting it all into words, because even though I have had this cold spot in my heart, I also know and am so thankful for the comfort and peace I have had that I know has only come from the Lord. I know I have only been able to make it through this past couple of years because of the hope I have found in Jesus Christ, but yet, I have tried so hard to "avoid" HIM and close my heart's door.
This is my turning point though, I am recommitting my life and my heart and my everything to the Lord. I know this has been a long time coming and my heavenly Father has been waiting with open arms to come back to him. I know I should have never slipped this far "out of touch" and I am longing to get back. I am ready to get out of this darkness and get back into the light of Jesus' grace, mercy and love. I know it has always been right here, always readily available to me, but yet my own stubbornness and hardheadedness wouldn't let me bask in the light. I have been trying my best to hide under that bush, like the song my mama used to always sing to us.....This little light of mine.......hide it under a bush, OH NO!.........but that is exactly what I have been doing. I am ready to come out from under this bush, I am ready to stand fully in the light of the Lord and to do my best to let it shine through me. I want my husband and children to once again see Christ's love shining through me in all that I do. I don't want to be the one blocking His light from shining fully on my family and everyone around me. I am tired of putting on the front that everything is happy happy and all is great. It hasn't been in my heart. I have known this and have kept trying to cover it up, but I am tired and weary from all of this. It is way more work trying to block the light of HIS love than it is to just open up my heart and life and let Him shine His love and His light on and through me. I am ready to make a new start. Starting right now........I am turning my life back into the hands of God...and oh, does it feel wonderful. I feel as though a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I know the Lord has been with me the entire time, whispering "come back, come back" but yet, I chose to ignore Him. I am not ignoring His voice anymore......I am coming home....back into the loving arms of my Lord and Saviour..............

Some of the reasons......

I know I said this blog was going to be about me and not the kids, but I think this entry is really about me too, even though it involves them! Did that make any sense at all? Oh well, in my mind it did...hahaha
Anyway, I have been feeling really blessed the past little while, well, I have always felt this way when it comes to my kids and my hubby, but sometimes, it just stands out more for whatever reason. So, it just makes my heart smile when I watch my kids and hear some of the things they say. It makes me so thankful to be able to stay home with them and now that we are a home schooling family, I am blessed more and more to have all the time with them instead of missing out on all those minutes during the day that they were away from me. It always reminds me why I wanted so badly to be a mama, and why I am doing JUST that, being a mama and raising my kids!! I hope and pray that I can raise them to be amazing people who truly love God and strive to live according to His will. I pray they always feel love and support and know that I am always here for them. I pray that they always see Christ's love in me. I thought I would just share some of the little things they have done lately to make me smile and to remind me exactly why I am doing what I am doing.....

It makes sense to go in order, so first Aaron, my teenager, yes, I said that, I have a teenager!! How that happened so fast, I don't know. It has been a fun journey with him to say the least. Aaron has a really fun and quirky personality and can ALWAYS make me laugh. I never know what kind of antic he will perform next. I must say, it is really hard to be stern with him when I am laughing!! He is so outgoing and fun and can strike up a conversation with anyone. It makes me so proud when people come to me and tell me what a great kid he is. He is well known by all the neighbors for always being friendly and talking. He has a good head on his shoulders and makes me proud ( most of the time) with how he handles himself and certain situations. No, he is not perfect, and yes, he has done some crazy things that I am not so proud of, but even then, he usually handles things in a mature way and faces the consequences that come with making poor decisions. I love seeing him playing with the younger kids and taking special interest in the things they like. For example, he will make it a point to play with just Momo or just Ian and even does this with the little boys across the street. Then, watching Aaron and Kristen ( when they decide they like each other!!) interact. I love the bond they have. Yes, they fight and argue and are normal siblings but they do have a special bond and I know, they would stand up for each other in an instant.
Speaking of Kristen, she is my mini me...yes, the good and the bad!! HAHAH, I know I just wrote an entire blog about her just the other day but I have to say it again. She is just so much like me, sometimes it is scary! I love it though. Watching her is like watching myself grow up all over again. The only thing different is she is NOT shy like I was, she is also, like Aaron, very outgoing and talkative. She loves to be in the center of everything and doesn't want to "miss" anything. She has a heart of gold and is extremely sensitive. She has a special bubbly personality that can make a gloomy day be bright and full of sunshine. She is my beautiful butterfly!! She loves helping out when she can (well, most of the time) and is ALWAYS offering to do anything for others. She has made me so proud with her caring ways and giving heart. I know one day she will make a wonderful wife and mother.
Next come Morgan, my Momo monkey. What can I say, she is my little miracle that I am so thankful for every day. I don't know what I would have done if we had lost her. Her strong personality and determination, although trying at times, are an inspiration to me. She is a unique little girl and I know she will accomplish everything she sets her mind to as she becomes a woman. She is so spunky and makes me smile with her little musings and things she says. The other day she was riding with me to pick Randy up from work and she wanted me to give her some simple addition problems to answer while we were riding, so I was and she was working them out (counting on her fingers) and giving me the answers. I started really simple.....2 plus 2 .......problems like that. Well, she would hold up 2 fingers on one hand and then 2 on the other hand. I worked up to 6 plus 2...she got quiet for a minute and I could see her in the rear view mirror.....I could tell she was thinking......then she said, but Mama, I only have 2 hands, you can't do that one...she had to use both hands to hold up 6 fingers....and didn't have another hand to add the 2 fingers!! It was so funny. Then again one morning she rode with me to take Randy to work, it is still dark when we left and she asked if Papa ALWAYS went to work that *late*. We were trying to tell her it was early and not late, but she insisted it was *late* because it was dark outside!! By the time we got home and had seen the sunrise on the way home, I had her convinced it was in fact early and not late. The little things like these that I get to experience being home with the kids every day is what reminds me how blessed I really am. What a loss it would be to miss out on all these things that to some may be nothing, but to me, mean so so much.
Last but certainly not least is my little man, Ian, my last baby, my sweet little boy. He has been such a blessing to me. I felt our family was complete when I held him in my arms for the first time. He came to us during such a sad time in our lives and was that little bit of sunshine and hope I needed to keep me going on. I know it may sound crazy...( but I am crazy remember)...but I couldn't help but think, that in my mama losing her life here on earth, he was given life, in order to help me through a dark time. Knowing I was pregnant with him is what kept me going when Mom died. It was sort of like, he was my link to her in a strange sort of way. I don't really know how to explain it better than that. He is so cute and sweet and brings so much joy, as do all of the kids. He has a great personality and I love watching him grow and learn. Hearing him talking more and more everyday and always being amazed when he says something new just brightens my days and can always make me smile. Even when he lets me know exactly how I sound sometimes when he mimics me....Yesterday for instance, he was sitting at the table drinking some water when he knocked his cup over and spilled some. He sounded JUST like me when he he grumbled...."AAARRGGGHHHHHHH, made a mess!! I was thinking to myself...."OH MY, so that is what I sound like when I get aggravated with the messes...." It is enough to make you stop and think before you let things slip out of your mouth for sure!!! He can always make my heart melt with his big green eyes and bring a smile when I am having a bad day with his kisses and hugs. He is my little man.
I thank God everyday for allowing me to be a mama to these four miracles. I hope and pray that I can be the mother God wants me to be. I pray that I can be a good example of God's love to them. They are my world and my heart......

Thoughts about the want-it bug...

Well, I am sitting here drinking my morning coffee and thinking about the day ahead. I was once again reading my friend, Alice's blog and it got me to thinking......imagine that............Alice always seems to have a way to make me think, which is usually a good thing!!

Anyway, Alice had wrote a blog about "STUFF" and materialism. I must admit, I have also been a victim of this worldly materialism that has engulfed so many. Am I proud to admit that....no not at all, not in the least, but it is true. How hard it is to avoid it when it is in our face, all the time, everywhere. In thinking about this, I remembered a little conversation the other day involving one of my neighbors while we were all outside playing. My friend's little boy saw my Morgan drinking a soda, of course, you know what that brought on.....he ran to his mama saying " I want a *doke* ( coke in 3.5 yr old terms)". To this his mama answered, " Well, I know you do, but do you know what, you are not old enough for your wants to hurt you". He gave a little hrrmmmmppphhh and walked off saying, OK. That was the end of it, he never mentioned it again the rest of the afternoon. So, back to my thoughts....how fitting that little conversation was....and how true!! My question is, when are we old enough for our WANTS to hurt us? When I think about it, I guess I have to say, we are never old enough. If we all remembered this thought every time we WANT something, wouldn't that put a hurting, so to speak, on the world of materialism? Yeah, I know that is easier said than done, I will be the first to admit I need to also live with this mindset, but I don't.
I am always saying, I need to clean out this or clean out that, there is just too much STUFF in this house, unnecessary stuff that just sits. As I sit and look around at all the stuff.......and think about when or why it was bought, more often than not, I come to the conclusion, it was just a spur of the moment want, not a need at all. Oh how much simpler life could be if we ( meaning I) would only buy what is needed and not so much what is wanted. I am not saying I am the worst at impulse buying, I really try hard not to buy just for the fun of it ( although, sometimes it is fun), but I have and do fall victim to the "want-it bug". I also know first hand that it is totally possible to live with only the things you need and be perfectly happy. Growing up, we had very little, in this I mean, extremely little, to the point of living with no indoor plumbing, no electricity.....but yet, we were happy. We still had fun, we still smiled and laughed and I have so many wonderful memories. The funny thing is, most of those memories do NOT involve stuff at all. One time in particular was the Christmas Eve that the electricity went out ( this was at a house we did have electricity at). We sat together, Mom, Dad, my brothers and I, and Dad read the Christmas story from the Bible by candle light. How interesting is it that I remember that Christmas, you know the time of year the world had turned into a huge materialism fest, over any other Christmas as a child. Yes, I do remember some of the gifts I received, but more often it isn't the STUFF I received but rather the time spent with family and friends.
Well, this has turned out longer than I meant to make it, so I will close for now. I need to go pick up and straighten up all the STUFF in this house......hmmm, food for thought......