Three years....... and yet a lifetime....

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Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

This is Randy playing a song he wrote in memory of my mama. I will put the lyrics below the video.




Hello Mary Ann

Butterflies around us now
Lift our hearts up off the ground
Take us far away from here
And wipe away our tears.

Blue sky won't you turn to rain
Wash away our suffering
Help us all feel good again
And forget the pain.

Take it all away from me
Make it how it used to be
The perfect love that I still see
What purpose did it have to be?

Now I lay me down to sleep
Butterflies are in my dreams.
Remind me of a love so deep
Hello Mary Ann.

Everywhere I look I see
The kindness of your love so deep
I only wish that I could see
Your smiling face again.

Butterflies around her now
On her head they placed a crown.
He said you did not let us down..
Hello Mary Ann
Hello Mary Ann.

There are so many feeling, so many emotions, that come with this time of year. I don't really know where to start. It is almost like I can't find the words to truly express all that is in my heart. I am just going to type, it may not make perfect sense but it will be from my heart......

Some days, I can't believe it has been 3 years since my mama left this earth, but yet some days it feels like it's been a lifetime since I have been able to talk to her and see her smile. I miss her so much. In fact, even though people like to say "give it time, it will get easier" I think it actually gets harder. It isn't easy, there is nothing easy about it. I long so badly to just sit and talk and laugh with her, to see her smile at me and tell me everything will be okay, to have her hold me and tell me she loves me, just to share life with me.

I try to stay focused on the good memories, really I do. There are so many of them and I am thankful for each and every one, but, then I think of all the ones we could have still made if she was still her. I wish I could still be sharing all the little things, the things that don't seem important to anyone but me that she would have listened to me talk about and shared in my excitement. I want to be able to share the not so good thing with her like I used to. She would have listened to those too, and helped me get through them. I am not talking about big events or anything, just the ups and downs of being a wife, a mother , a woman....she was always there to listen. I am so thankful and I know I was blessed to be able to have such an amazing relationship with my mama. She was more than my mother, she was one of my best friends.

It just isn't fair. I know nobody said life was fair but that doesn't take that feeling away. It isn't fair that someone who was loved so very very much, someone who enjoyed life like she did, someone who loved like she did, be taken so soon. She had so much to live for, so many to live for. It is hard not to be angry. I know she is in a better place and I am looking forward to the day we will be reunited, but I still get mad when I think of all she isn't to share with us. It hurts and makes me angry when I think of all the things I wish I would have said......if I had only know how little time was left. I would have told her I loved her more, I would have spent more time with her instead of saying I didn't feel like going to her house just to hang out. If only I had known..............if only.....

I am thankful for the time I had with my mama, for all the lessons she taught me. I have really been thinking a lot recently how my life is so much like hers. I find myself smiling when it occurs to me something I just did or said was something she would do or say. She taught me so much but I think the thing I am most thankful for it the lesson she taught me about love. First of all, is to love the Lord and put my faith in Him alone. Secondly, to love my family unconditionally. She was so good as showing love to all of us, she was always there for us, no matter what. Maybe she didn't like the things we were doing, but she still loved 100%. Thirdly, she taught me to love others as well, to always reach out to lend a helping hand if it was needed. She never hesitated to love someone, if it they didn't seem lovable, she never cared what anyone might think of her for loving "the unlovable". I think this trait is one that EVERYONE remembers about her. Her heart was so big and had so much love. She was an awesome example of honest to goodness LOVE. I pray that others see the same trait in me. I want to be remembered like that when I am gone. I want people to know I loved. I am striving to show that Christlike love to every person.

Another lesson she taught me that I cherish, is to be happy with my life. Even when things are hard, when things aren't going as I had planned, when thing just aren't perfect.......be happy and be thankful for the blessing I do have. She taught me that material things do not mean anything at all. She taught me how to smile when there didn't seem to be anything to smile about. I am so thankful that I learned this from her. I really do strive to stay happy in all circumstances. I am not saying that I don't get sad, or angry, or scared, or nervous or whatever other feeling, just that deep down in my heart I can be happy with my life, truly happy.

Thirdly, and this one goes hand in hand with being happy, she taught me to have fun! Oh, did she ever know how to have fun. She loved life and it showed. She always found a way to make others smile and laugh, whether it was making a silly face, pinching them with her toes, tickling, poking, picking, or just being herself. When she was around, you knew it would be fun! When we were kids she was always trying to come up with something fun to do. It may have been making a craft, cooking or baking, going for a walk or just playing on the floor with us or snuggling in her bed. She taught me how to enjoy life and I hope that I can show my children and those around me just a little bit of what she taught me.

My mama was my friend, and my hero. I thank God for her and all she taught me. I pray that I can be to my children what she was to me. I can't wait to see her again and spend eternity with her....never to be separated again.

I know this lifetime is but a moment in God's eyes. I know His plan is perfect. I am thankful I have the hope He gives. I don't know how anyone who doesn't believe can survive times like this. It is only through Christ, I find my strength, my comfort, my hope. He is the one who carries me through the days, when I just don't have the strength to do it on my own. I treasure the comfort He gives me when I just want to sit in a corner and cry. I know He is with me and He will never leave me. I know He has my life in His hands and He has the perfect plan, even if I don't understand or maybe I don't even like it, I will trust Him.

I miss you mama, I will never ever forget you. You will always be in my heart and a part of my life. I will always keep your memory alive. I love you.

Friends

I have been feeling really blessed in the friend department lately. It is nice to really feel "connected" with other people. First of all, my best friend, Gail, has been going through a lot and we just haven't had the time to spend together in the past year or so. It was really starting to bother me that we were not talking much. I felt like our friendship was slipping away. This was not happening due to some "issue" or bad feelings or anything between us, it was just life getting in the way. Last weekend, we were able to "re-connect" by going on an overnight trip together to the Women of Faith conference. It was so nice to just hang out and catch up! Speaking of the Women of Faith conference, it was not just Gail and I that went. My dearest neighbor and close friend was also able to go with us. I am so thankful to have Lisa as my friend. It is funny to me how we have known each other for years but never really worked to develop a friendship. I mean, we were friendly to each other but didn't go out of our way to talk or anything. It was more of a "speak to each other in passing" sort of friendship. Anyway, little did I know, when we moved in next door to her a little over a year and a half ago, that she would become one of my closest friends. She has truly been a blessing to me over this time. I am sure she doesn't realize it but she has. I think a big part of this blessing comes from her example of loving God. No matter the circumstance, she holds strong in her faith. She has played a big part in my growing closer to the Lord and getting my life, and my heart, back where I need to be. Now, I know I am far from where I *NEED* to be in this area, but I am working on it and I have come a long way from where I was a couple years ago. I thank her so much for gently showing me and reminding me, once again the path I need to be on. The amazing thing is, she probably doesn't even know she has done this!! I do have to say though, even though it may sound as if our friendship is more the serious kind, there is more to it. We have laughed and cried together and shared the majority of our day to day lives together in the past year and a half as well. It has been a lot of fun to say the least!! I am so glad to have her in my life to call my friend.
Now, back to the Women of Faith conference, I wanted to share a few pictures!! Gail, Lisa and I met up with my sister and some of her friend from her church in McDonough! We had a great time and even survived having 8 of us share one hotel room Friday night!!! That in itself should win an award!! HAHAH! I guess I should clarify a little, this was not a normal hotel room. We had a 2 bed/2 bath suite so there was plenty of room and TWO bathrooms!! LOL. The neat thing was that this was the first time we had been together, and it was like we have always known each other. We had a great time!!








The whole group



My sister and I!





Now, last, but not least, I have to mention my newest friend. This friendship was just sort of laid in my lap for lack of a better term! I'll start at the beginning.........I volunteered to help with Vacation Bible School at the church we have started attending back in the beginning of June. I figured, since I was new, and since I was going to be there with the kids anyway, this would be a good way to meet some people from the church and get to know some of them. So, I was asked to be in charge of one of the registration/sign in tables for the first couple days and then the rest of the week I would just be a runner or help out wherever I was needed. Sounded good to me! Bright and early Monday morning, we arrive at the church to start the week. I go find Mrs. Cheryl to let her know I was there and find out which table I need to be at. She showed me what I needed to do but then says " Oh, BTW, we ended up needing more workers so I went ahead and put you down to work in the K class for the week." OK, that was fine with me too. At our old church, I always taught the K class for VBS so this was perfect. Once we finished up with registration, I went to join up with the K class and meet the other workers. There were 5 of us ( 38 kindergartners takes lots of workers!!). After we all met and started discussing what we were going to do, Stephanie walks up to me and lets me know my name was at the top of the list as being the "leader"!! UMMMMM.....OK, LOL, I didn't know anything about what was supposed to be done but I did the best I could. Anyway......to make an already long story short, Stephanie just sort of "clicked" after that. We had never met or even laid eyes on each other before that morning but by the end of the second day, it was like we had known each other for life. The more we talked the more we found we had in common, such as, we both have sons with the name Tyler ( Aaron's middle name), we both have a 5 yr old daughter named Morgan, our husbands are both Randy, we are the same age and our b-days are only 4 days apart, our husbands birthdays are 5 days apart and our 10 year olds b-day's are 5 days apart. We think the same about a lot of things and just in general have so much alike!! It was like an instant friendship. Even the other ladies we worked with for VBS had thought we were friends before that week. They were shocked to find out we had just met that Monday morning. Since VBS Stephanie and I have gotten together several times just to hang out. Even though we have only known each other since June, it is like we have always been together. This is a friendship that formed quickly but I think will last a lifetime. (I mean, you have to know, when you can visit each other's house and just come in and make yourself at home by sprawling out on the couch, you have found a good friend, right Stephanie?!?!?! ) You know I love ya girl!!

14 years!!

Well, yesterday marked 14 years....14 of the best years in my life. Randy and I celebrated our anniversary with a quiet and relaxing day. It was nice to spend the day just reflecting on all we have been blessed with in our marriage. In the world today, so many people seem to take being married for granted and have a whatever type of attitude. I am so thankful that we have such an amazing relationship and we are both in for the long haul! This is not to say we haven't had ups and downs, because if we hadn't we wouldn't be normal. We have definitely had our share of good days and bad days too. The important thing is we have held on to each other and made it through the not so good time TOGETHER, as a team and it has made us stronger as a couple. I am so blessed to have this man to call my husband. I am honestly living my childhood dream and Randy is my knight in shining armour. He is my rock, my soul, my everything. I am so proud to be called his wife and to be by his side, his partner in life.

I can't help to look back to when we first met and when we told people we were going to be married. I was young, and everyone, well almost everyone, said it would be a mistake and we wouldn't make it. I love hearing them eat those words today, when they tell me how perfect we are together and how they never would have thought it would turn out so well. All I can say is ....the next 14 years are going to be even better!!

I love you Randy, today, tomorrow and forever. T.T.S.F

SURPRISE!!

Well, today is my birthday! Another year older, it is okay, actually, I like being "30-something"......33 to be exact. I don't have anything special going on, just another day, which is fine with me. Kristen had her friend, Olivia, spend the night last night. Apparently, after I went to bed and had told them it was time for bed(this was at 12:45am), they stayed up...............this is what I found when I came into the kitchen this morning at 6am!!

Here are close ups of the pictures.....

...these were all over the counters, I just put them all together for the picture...

this is the one that was on the window....

It was a really sweet surprise!! I didn't hear them doing it at all. It is nice to be loved!!

I was thinking about birthdays, and how they change as you get older. The excitement and aticipation your birthday holds when you are young...slowly starts to fade. Now on my birthday, I like to think about how blessed I am to have been given another year to be with my family and just enjoy life. It isn't so much about me but about all that God has blessed me with in my life. Sure, there are hard times but the good times and the awesomeness of GOD far outweigh the bad times. It is so easy to get caught up in "life" and not take time to enjoy it, and be truly thankful for it. Today, for my birthday, I am going to focus on how blessed I have been over the past 33 years, and thank God for giving me each and every one of those days. I am looking foward to the next year of being able to live the life God has given me!!

So far So Good!

Today has been one week since I started trying to get in shape. So far, it is going pretty well. When I started last Monday, I decided to avoid getting on the scale every day. I got on the scale Monday and then didn't again until Sunday afternoon. I figured since it was in the middle of the day, and had only been a week, there wouldn't be that much of a difference. Well, wasn't I surprised when I have gone down 4 pounds!! This really made me feel good and gave me a great motivation to keep going.
I am off to a good start this morning. I got up early with Randy and Aaron and once they left for work, I went walking for about 30 minutes. It is amazing how a little fresh, crisp morning air will energize you for the day. I feel awake and ready to go!! My goal this week is to continue watching what I am eating and also start walking early in the mornings. I am going to start doing sit ups as well to shape up.
4 pounds down....16 to go!!

Eagle Star Academy Blog

I finally got our homeschool blog set up. Come see what the class at Eagle Star Academy is up to these days!!
http://eaglestaracademy.blogspot.com/

Just some random thoughts....

In the midst of paying bills yesterday, and feeling myself getting more and more depressed over things, I had to remind myself to stop trying to handle things on my own. I think being a woman, (or at least a woman who likes to have things under control), this is a hard thing to do. It is so hard to "let go" of situations and truly let God have my problems, to lay my burdens at His feet and hand over the reigns so to speak. You know how that superwoman instinct kicks in, and the "I CAN DO THIS ON MY OWN" attitude strikes. So, the longer I sat there and stressed and worried and tried to figure things out, the harder it became, there didn't seem to be a solution. I laid my papers and pen down for a minute and made myself stop to pray........while I was praying, I had a vision of Jesus carrying the cross. WOW!! It never ceases to amaze me how God speaks. Here I was....trying to carry the load, trying to *carry my cross* when all I have to do it turn to the Lord for He has ALREADY carried that cross for me!! I know, this isn't the typical comparison of Jesus carrying the cross....but at that moment yesterday it was the perfect reminder to me that I don't have to do this alone, that Jesus is right there, and willing to help me carry the burden, whatever that burden may be, He is there, all I have to do is let him.

Thank you Jesus for carrying the cross when I feel like I can't go on another step. Thank you Lord for being there to carry the load when I have crumbled under the load. Thank you God for showing me again there is hope and that hope ONLY comes from my Father in Heaven.