Monday, May 26, 2008

Perfect Peace

It is late and I am tired but alas, the insomnia strikes again. Actually, the fact that I fell asleep on the couch earlier this evening probably isn't helping. I had a headache though. Anyway, the headache is gone now. I am ready to go to bed but the girls both have friends spending the night and they haven't gone to sleep yet. So, here I am. I don't even really know what I am going to blog about, I am just going to type. Maybe it will make some sort of sense, maybe it won't.

Today has been an odd sort of day, you know, one of those female, emotional type days. I don't really know why, it just was. The strange thing though, even though I have had "stuff" swirling in my mind, I have a constant peace. I know without a doubt where this perfect peace comes from. I am so very thankful that I have that. I am blessed to have Christ as my comforter, my rock, my hope and my peace.

I have been working through a Bible study on worrying. It has really helped me to focus on letting go of things I worry myself over. I am trying really hard to remember, He is in control and I am not. I am not doing any good and I can't change anything by constantly worrying over things. There are several things in my life I tend to worry over. One of those is finanacial ( I know, I am not alone). Well, this past week happened to be one of those extra "tight" weeks. Even though I knew we would have a tight budget, I was feeling at peace. I knew we would be ok and God would provide. I didn't know how, but I just prayed and asked God to be in control, totally giving it over to Him. Friday is the day I get a box of produce from a local farm, I just happened to get an unexpected amount of money that happened to be exactly the price of my box. After picking up the box, I needed to run to the grocery store for a couple items, milk being one of those. As I walked up to the milk cooler, I notice the gallon of milk had a bright red sticker on it. When I got close enough to see, I couldn't believe it!! The milk was marked down to .99/gallon!! There were 3 gallons marked down to that price. I got all 3 gallons for less than the regular price of one. I was praising God right there at the milk cooler!! My prayer had been answered! So, after that find, I walked over to the meat department and what did I find? The meat had also been marked down!! I couldn't believe it, there were packages of pork chops, chicken, ground beef, and steaks for $3 and $4 a piece!! WOW!! God is truly amazing when we let Him work. I was able to purchase enough meat to last us two weeks. I grabbed a few other items, several of which were also on sale. I was so happy as I walked out of the grocery store Friday afternoon. I wanted to tell everyone how AWESOME my God is!!

Another thing that I tend to let worry me is my family travelling. I have a very strong fear when I know Randy or the kids are traveling. This fear is ANY time we are going somewhere, whether it be a mile down the road or 1000 miles. It is also when I am with them but even moreso if I am not going to be with them. Well, Randy will be traveling this week. He is going on a work trip to Oklahoma. This trip involves him flying and driving a good bit as well. I am trying really hard to not be consumed with worry. It is really, really hard. He returns home on Thursday. Aaron will be leaving on a youth summer camp trip early Monday morning. He will be traveling to Tennessee on the church bus. I am praying God will continue to show me his peace throughout the next couple weeks. I know, to some, these fears may seem silly, or like I am making them into a bigger deal than I should, but they are so real to me. I am easily consumed by them and I will literally make myself sick. If anyone reads this, please pray with me and for me. I know God is in control and I want to let Him be, but sometimes it is so hard to do that. Even though, I have not reached the point of not worrying at all, I can say, I do feel more at peace knowing that I can turn to God in the moments that it gets the best of me. I know I can lean on Him and He will be there to carry me through the low points. I praise God for giving me His perfect peace in ALL situations, no matter how big or small they may be. I know He is with me and He will never forsake me.

Through all the ups and downs, all the thoughts tumbling around in my head, I know, without a doubt, I have a steady rock to ground myself in. I know, when it feels I can't go another step, He is there to carry me. When I feel like I am falling, He is there to catch me. It is an amazing feeling to know, no matter what, I have God on my side, and there is nothing else I need. I am learning, though it may not always be an easy lesson, to turn to the Lord for EVERYTHING. He is there and wants me to call on Him and rely on him completly. Over the past week or so, I have really been trying to do just that and I have not been let down. It is so amazing when I realize how God blesses me when I will open myself up to Him and allow Him to be the focus of my life. It is so easy to close the door but WOW!! it is so refreshing to open the door and experience the fresh breath of life He brings in.

Thank you Lord, for being by my side. Thank you for providing all of my needs, even the small things that seem unimportant. You are always there. Help me to keep my door open. Help me to keep my eyes on You and let You work in and through me. I want to grow closer to You, Lord. I want Your light to shine through me. Fill me with Your peace. Thank you Lord for being my rock. Amen.