In the midst of paying bills yesterday, and feeling myself getting more and more depressed over things, I had to remind myself to stop trying to handle things on my own. I think being a woman, (or at least a woman who likes to have things under control), this is a hard thing to do. It is so hard to "let go" of situations and truly let God have my problems, to lay my burdens at His feet and hand over the reigns so to speak. You know how that superwoman instinct kicks in, and the "I CAN DO THIS ON MY OWN" attitude strikes. So, the longer I sat there and stressed and worried and tried to figure things out, the harder it became, there didn't seem to be a solution. I laid my papers and pen down for a minute and made myself stop to pray........while I was praying, I had a vision of Jesus carrying the cross. WOW!! It never ceases to amaze me how God speaks. Here I was....trying to carry the load, trying to *carry my cross* when all I have to do it turn to the Lord for He has ALREADY carried that cross for me!! I know, this isn't the typical comparison of Jesus carrying the cross....but at that moment yesterday it was the perfect reminder to me that I don't have to do this alone, that Jesus is right there, and willing to help me carry the burden, whatever that burden may be, He is there, all I have to do is let him.
Thank you Jesus for carrying the cross when I feel like I can't go on another step. Thank you Lord for being there to carry the load when I have crumbled under the load. Thank you God for showing me again there is hope and that hope ONLY comes from my Father in Heaven.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
I can do this...
I have finally decided I am going to do this. I have been saying I will start on Monday long enough so now the time has come. I am determined to get myself in shape and loose some of this weight that has crept on over the past year or so. My goal is to loose 20 pounds. I know not feeling good about myself has been a big part of my down mood lately and I am tired of feeling this way. I know in order to keep myself motivated though, I need some accountability. Every week for the past few months, I have just kept it to myself that I was going to start working on it so if I didn't do it, I wouldn't have to "answer" to anyone. Now, I am making it known so that I will stay on track and stick to it. So, wish me luck....the journey has begun!!
Philippians 4:13: I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13: I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Celebrating a Miracle !
Three years ago today, we experienced a miracle of our very own. When Morgan was just over 2, she drowned in our backyard pool. May 14th, 2004 was one of the worst days and also one of the best days of our lives. It is for sure a day we will never forget. Today we praise the Lord that He saw fit to bless us that day and that have Morgan here with us today! I made a little video this morning in honor of our miracle. I hope you enjoy........
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Mother's Day
This morning I am praising the Lord, thanking Him for allowing me to be a mother. What a blessing to be entrusted by God to care, nurture and raise these 4 children! Although Mother's Day brings me great sadness, I also know I have so much to be grateful for too. I have so much joy in being a mama. If I am known for one thing when my days on earth are gone, I pray that one thing is that I was a great Christian mama to my kids. I want my children to see Christ's love in me and flowing from me. I want them to always know I love them and I am so very proud to be their mama. Each of them are so special to me for each one is a true miracle, a gift from God. I pray that I can raise them to be Godly people who are strong in the walk with the Lord. I pray they will live within God's will for their lives and not stray from the path He has planned for them. I want them to know that they will always be loved.
My prayer this morning is that God will help me stay focused on all the blessings I have been given. I want to spend the day reflecting on His greatness and His beauty. I want to sing praises to my Lord for so giving me so many reasons to be happy, so many gifts to be thankful for. I am so glad that I can find comfort knowing that I can lay my sorrows at the feet of Jesus and find happiness and peace in and through Him.
Also today, even through the tears, I will praise the Lord for giving me the wonderful mother I had. I want to praise Him for the years I had with her and for the eternity we will one day have together again!! Oh what a day that will be when we reunite. Until then, I know there will be sad times and more tears, but I am so thankful that He promises us eternity. I am so blessed to be able to say my mother was also my friend. I have so many memories that I will hold dear to my heart and give thanks to the Father for those treasures that will always keep her near. I recieved this verse in an email this morning "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name" (Isaiah 45:3). Indeed, I have treasures in the darkness, the memories I hold in my heart will forever be my treasures.
My prayer this morning is that God will help me stay focused on all the blessings I have been given. I want to spend the day reflecting on His greatness and His beauty. I want to sing praises to my Lord for so giving me so many reasons to be happy, so many gifts to be thankful for. I am so glad that I can find comfort knowing that I can lay my sorrows at the feet of Jesus and find happiness and peace in and through Him.
Also today, even through the tears, I will praise the Lord for giving me the wonderful mother I had. I want to praise Him for the years I had with her and for the eternity we will one day have together again!! Oh what a day that will be when we reunite. Until then, I know there will be sad times and more tears, but I am so thankful that He promises us eternity. I am so blessed to be able to say my mother was also my friend. I have so many memories that I will hold dear to my heart and give thanks to the Father for those treasures that will always keep her near. I recieved this verse in an email this morning "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name" (Isaiah 45:3). Indeed, I have treasures in the darkness, the memories I hold in my heart will forever be my treasures.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
My mama....
Sitting here with so many thoughts running through my head. I had planned to write something great for Mother's Day.....something well thought out and touching. The words just haven't came to me so I am just going to write..........it won't be anything fancy or spectacular but it is what is in my heart.
Mother's Day is by far the hardest day of the year for me now. I am not saying other holidays or special occasions don't hurt, but Mother's Day has been the worst. It is such a bittersweet day. I want so badly to focus on the good times, and remember all the happy times. I do this, but it doesn't hide the pain, the empty spot. How I wish my mama was still here, to share the day with me, so we could sit together and talk and laugh and just be together. I want to tell her just one more time that I love her, that I am so blessed to have called her my mother and my friend. If I had only known......I could have told her thank you for all the times she stood behind me, all the times she loved me unconditionally when it seemed no one else cared, all the tears she wiped from my cheek and all the hurts she kissed away. I always knew no matter what, I could go to her, we could talk about anything and everything. I had so much pride in telling people my mama was one of my best friends. To so many, that seemed like such a strange thing, to me.....it was one of the greatest feelings in the world. I wish I hadn't taken the time I had with her for granted, I wish I had told her more often what it meant to me to be able to say we were friends. I hope and pray that my kids will feel the same way about me and will always know that I will love them unconditionally.
It makes me sad that my children will grow up not having their grandma in their lives. I am thankful that they do have memories of her and I am determined to keep those memories alive for them. I want them to know how much she loved them and how special they were to her.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. It doesn't make a difference what is happening, something big or just day to day life. We shared everything. I miss being able to pick up the phone and just talk while I folded laundry, or washed the dishes. I miss being able to call her just to tell her it had been a stressful day and hearing her tell me tomorrow would be better. I miss being able to call her for no reason at all but somehow we would manage to stay on the phone for an hour or longer. I miss having my mama close enough that when it had been a bad day, all I had to do was call and she would come over. I miss her and it hurts.
I know she would want me to be happy, to remember all the good times and wonderful memories. I know this and I try, I really do try but that doesn't make the tears stop or the empty spot in my heart go away. I know one day, the pain will go away, the day when I see her smiling face again when we meet in heaven. This is the one thing that gets me through each day. I thank God for the peace and comfort that could only come from HIM. I thank HIM for giving me the hope that I will see my mama again one day......and it will be forever, there will be no more goodbyes, no more tears, no more pain and emptiness. We can sit and talk and laugh for hours. I can smile now, even through the tears, knowing that we will be together again one day.
For now, I will rejoice that she is in such a better place, singing praises to our Lord ( and I am sure she is finding someone to pinch, or poke, or pick at too). I will continue to look for her presence through the butterflies around me and the sun rays through the clouds.
I could go on forever, but I will close for now.
Happy Mother's Day Mom. I love you and miss you.
Mother's Day is by far the hardest day of the year for me now. I am not saying other holidays or special occasions don't hurt, but Mother's Day has been the worst. It is such a bittersweet day. I want so badly to focus on the good times, and remember all the happy times. I do this, but it doesn't hide the pain, the empty spot. How I wish my mama was still here, to share the day with me, so we could sit together and talk and laugh and just be together. I want to tell her just one more time that I love her, that I am so blessed to have called her my mother and my friend. If I had only known......I could have told her thank you for all the times she stood behind me, all the times she loved me unconditionally when it seemed no one else cared, all the tears she wiped from my cheek and all the hurts she kissed away. I always knew no matter what, I could go to her, we could talk about anything and everything. I had so much pride in telling people my mama was one of my best friends. To so many, that seemed like such a strange thing, to me.....it was one of the greatest feelings in the world. I wish I hadn't taken the time I had with her for granted, I wish I had told her more often what it meant to me to be able to say we were friends. I hope and pray that my kids will feel the same way about me and will always know that I will love them unconditionally.
It makes me sad that my children will grow up not having their grandma in their lives. I am thankful that they do have memories of her and I am determined to keep those memories alive for them. I want them to know how much she loved them and how special they were to her.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. It doesn't make a difference what is happening, something big or just day to day life. We shared everything. I miss being able to pick up the phone and just talk while I folded laundry, or washed the dishes. I miss being able to call her just to tell her it had been a stressful day and hearing her tell me tomorrow would be better. I miss being able to call her for no reason at all but somehow we would manage to stay on the phone for an hour or longer. I miss having my mama close enough that when it had been a bad day, all I had to do was call and she would come over. I miss her and it hurts.
I know she would want me to be happy, to remember all the good times and wonderful memories. I know this and I try, I really do try but that doesn't make the tears stop or the empty spot in my heart go away. I know one day, the pain will go away, the day when I see her smiling face again when we meet in heaven. This is the one thing that gets me through each day. I thank God for the peace and comfort that could only come from HIM. I thank HIM for giving me the hope that I will see my mama again one day......and it will be forever, there will be no more goodbyes, no more tears, no more pain and emptiness. We can sit and talk and laugh for hours. I can smile now, even through the tears, knowing that we will be together again one day.
For now, I will rejoice that she is in such a better place, singing praises to our Lord ( and I am sure she is finding someone to pinch, or poke, or pick at too). I will continue to look for her presence through the butterflies around me and the sun rays through the clouds.
I could go on forever, but I will close for now.
Happy Mother's Day Mom. I love you and miss you.
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