Being Thankful and Staying Positive......a learning process.

I know, this is not the first time I have wrote about this topic here. I guess the fact that learning to be thankful, in ALL things is an ongoing process, a process that isn't always easy. I am working really hard to be thankful for the blessings God has given me. There are so, so many things that are easy to take for granted. I don't really like saying, take for granted, because I really do appreciate all of those things. I guess, some days, the days that are not going the way I hoped or life has thrown a curve ball, it is just harder to stay focused on the "good" things.
I am determined to follow the words of Paul in Philippians 4:4 - 8. I have a long ways to go in this area. The negative thoughts, worries, etc, seem to creep into my head so quickly. I am learning however, to replace those feelings and thoughts. I am really in awe of what a difference it makes when I consciously make an effort to think on the positive side of life. I am working hard to replace the worrisome thoughts with positive thoughts and it is making a difference in me. I am so much more at peace, as I wrote about previously. God's comfort and the hope He gives me is amazing. I find myself praising him more and more each and every day. God is truly AWESOME!!

I have really been trying to spend time daily in my Bible. The more I read, the more I want to keep reading, and learning, and listening to what God is saying to me. I can feel His presence in my life so strongly right now and I want more! It seems I just can't get enough. It has been so long that I have just been "lukewarm" and just had a "whatever" outlook. I can feel feel God's hand at work in my life and it is wonderful! I want to shout is from the rooftops....My God is so good, He's SO GOOD to me.

I am not saying life in general is perfect, it isn't, but, as long as I stay focused on what is important, I will be OK. I have put my trust in the Lord and I know He will not forsake me. He will provide all of our needs. I am so thankful I have that hope and peace that only Christ can give.

Some things I am thankful for are:

Randy: I am so blessed to have a husband that loves me for who I am. I know I am not perfect, I have my little oddities, but he is OK with that. He accepts me just as I am and loves me unconditionally. He works so hard to take care of us and does all he can to provide all of our needs and more. He gives so much of himself to make us happy. We have been married for almost 15 years now and he still makes my heart skip a beat. Yes, we get aggravated with each other and may not always agree, but there is nothing that will tear us apart. Randy is my best friend, my soul mate, my rock. I love him more that words can possibly describe. I am thankful that God brought us together and gave us a marriage we can be proud of. In the world today, so many people view marriage as "just something you do". I am thankful I have a husband who takes it seriously and is committed to work to make our marriage all God has planned for it to be.

Aaron: WOW......I am really in awe of how he has grown. My first baby is no longer a baby, or even a child. Aaron is quickly changing into a wonderful young man. I am amazed daily over how he is growing, not only physically, but spiritually, mentally,and, emotionally. I am very proud of him and praise God for giving me such a wonderful son. He loves life and makes the best of every situation. He is always doing something to try to make someone smile. Aaron has a tender heart and shows love in so many ways. I am so very proud to say he is my son. I know God has special plans for him and I am blessed to be his mama.

Kristen: My baby girl! What an amazing thing to watch my life play out through my daughter. Kristen is so much like me. I look at her and see myself as a girl. Her actions, her thoughts, and yes....even her mood swings, are just like mine were at her age. Her caring ways are so special. She is always willing to lend a hand or help out and doesn't think twice when she is asked to do something. (Well, most of the time) She is going to be an amazing young lady and will make a beautiful wife and mother one day. I praise God for Kristen and the special love she brings to every day.

Morgan: My Momo Monkey! What can I say about Momo? There are so many special things about her. She is so unique, so determined, so independent, so strong. Morgan loves life and loves people. She gives me a new look on life in so many ways. She sets such a great example of how to live each day to the fullest. From the minute she wakes up, she is ready to take on the day and make the most of it. She is always looking for something to do, someone to play with or talk to, or just some way to have fun. She also has a soft spot and is always willing to share. Her uniqueness makes her so special and her smile is contagious. I can't wait to see what she becomes as she grows, I know she will accomplish whatever she sets her mind to. I am very blessed to be a part of God's plan in her life.

Ian: My baby. Still so young, but yet growing into a big boy so quickly. He is so much fun and has such a charming personality. He is so sweet and loves to be a helper. It is bittersweet to watch him growing since he is the last baby but I am amazed everyday as he learns new things. He brings fun and joy to every day. He is always willing to give hugs and kisses and high fives and nothing can brighten my spirits more than when out of the blue, he comes up and says, " I love you berry much Mama." He is what has gotten me through some of the hardest days of my life and I am so thankful that God gave him to us when we needed a ray of sunshine.

I am blessed and I thank God for giving me the family I always prayed for and allowing me the blessing of being able to stay home to care for them. My prayer is that I can always be the wife and mother He wants me to be. I pray I can help my family grow closer to the Lord by setting an example through my own life and actions. I pray that they will see Christ in me and will strive to live Christian lives, pleasing to God, in all that they do.

Of course, there are so many other things I have been blessed with. I could go on and on all day. I am thankful for the sunrise every morning. As I was driving this morning, watching the sunrise in the sky, I was thinking about how God is the source that lights the entire world!! I want to share His light with those around me, I want to be a light in the darkness for others, just as Christ is the light for me. I am thankful for the sunset at night. I love sitting outside as the sun goes down. The beauty can be overwhelming and I thank God for painting such a beautiful artwork for us to enjoy. I am thankful I can look up at the night sky and see the stars and the moon. I am thankful for the birds I hear singing that lift my spirits as I imagine they are singing praises to our Lord, our Creator. I am thankful for the wind that blows through my hair. I am thankful for the flowers that add color and joy to our world. I am thankful for friends. Over the past couple years, I have made some new friends that I know God has placed in my life. These are friends I know I can call on, just to talk, or for a laugh, and even when I need a shoulder to cry on, I know they will be there. The list is never ending and as I am learning to focus on these things, the list just grows and grows.

Reconnecting is so Refreshing.....

I haven't posted here in quite a while now. I guess I need to make more time to do that. I try to save this blog for more personal type posting though and there is so little time for "personal" stuff it seems. My days are full but I really do love it that way. However, it is nice every now and then to make some time for me.....or as was the case last night, our marriage.


Yesterday, Randy and I decided we needed some time alone. All too often we get so busy and caught up with day to day life, we let "us" get pushed aside. It is so easy to do when you are raising a family. Anyway, we decided to let Aaron babysit while we went for coffee. It was nice to just sit and talk quietly in a relaxing atmosphere, without being interrupted. I am not saying I don't love my kids but sometimes that alone time is really needed. After our coffee, we rode back out to the fair for a few minutes. At the gate, they gave us coupons for one free ride so we rode the Ferris wheel. We walked around looking at all the displays for a bit then headed home.


It is so refreshing to have just a small bit of time to reconnect and remind ourselves what it was that made us fall in love to begin with. It wasn't anything spectacular or fancy, just a couple hours of being together and I feel so renewed in our marriage. I am really going to make it a priority to do something like this at least once a month or so. It isn't always easy to get away but we need to make it happen.

Now, this morning, I was thinking about our time together last night and what a difference just a little bit of time together makes. I was thinking how that is exactly what the Lord asks us for too, just a little bit of time together. What a difference it would make in our lives, our walk with Christ if we just take that little bit of time for Him. Just like our simple date, that is all Jesus asks for, it doesn't have to be some huge extravagant deal, just a few simple minutes focusing on Him, talking to Him. Such a simple thing really, but yet, we tend to brush it to the side, saying, I just don't have time or I'm too busy.
I am writing this mostly to remind myself, but also as a reminder to anyone reading that we need to take the time regularly to spend with the Lord and Saviour, just as I did with my husband. I need to make that commitment to build my relationship with the Lord, to become stronger in Him. Relationships don't just happen, it takes work and time and devotion. It is something so easy to do, just a bit a time, yet also so easy to just sweep under the rug and say.......I'll do it later.

Three years....... and yet a lifetime....

note: before playing video, scroll to bottom of this page to stop music.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

This is Randy playing a song he wrote in memory of my mama. I will put the lyrics below the video.




Hello Mary Ann

Butterflies around us now
Lift our hearts up off the ground
Take us far away from here
And wipe away our tears.

Blue sky won't you turn to rain
Wash away our suffering
Help us all feel good again
And forget the pain.

Take it all away from me
Make it how it used to be
The perfect love that I still see
What purpose did it have to be?

Now I lay me down to sleep
Butterflies are in my dreams.
Remind me of a love so deep
Hello Mary Ann.

Everywhere I look I see
The kindness of your love so deep
I only wish that I could see
Your smiling face again.

Butterflies around her now
On her head they placed a crown.
He said you did not let us down..
Hello Mary Ann
Hello Mary Ann.

There are so many feeling, so many emotions, that come with this time of year. I don't really know where to start. It is almost like I can't find the words to truly express all that is in my heart. I am just going to type, it may not make perfect sense but it will be from my heart......

Some days, I can't believe it has been 3 years since my mama left this earth, but yet some days it feels like it's been a lifetime since I have been able to talk to her and see her smile. I miss her so much. In fact, even though people like to say "give it time, it will get easier" I think it actually gets harder. It isn't easy, there is nothing easy about it. I long so badly to just sit and talk and laugh with her, to see her smile at me and tell me everything will be okay, to have her hold me and tell me she loves me, just to share life with me.

I try to stay focused on the good memories, really I do. There are so many of them and I am thankful for each and every one, but, then I think of all the ones we could have still made if she was still her. I wish I could still be sharing all the little things, the things that don't seem important to anyone but me that she would have listened to me talk about and shared in my excitement. I want to be able to share the not so good thing with her like I used to. She would have listened to those too, and helped me get through them. I am not talking about big events or anything, just the ups and downs of being a wife, a mother , a woman....she was always there to listen. I am so thankful and I know I was blessed to be able to have such an amazing relationship with my mama. She was more than my mother, she was one of my best friends.

It just isn't fair. I know nobody said life was fair but that doesn't take that feeling away. It isn't fair that someone who was loved so very very much, someone who enjoyed life like she did, someone who loved like she did, be taken so soon. She had so much to live for, so many to live for. It is hard not to be angry. I know she is in a better place and I am looking forward to the day we will be reunited, but I still get mad when I think of all she isn't to share with us. It hurts and makes me angry when I think of all the things I wish I would have said......if I had only know how little time was left. I would have told her I loved her more, I would have spent more time with her instead of saying I didn't feel like going to her house just to hang out. If only I had known..............if only.....

I am thankful for the time I had with my mama, for all the lessons she taught me. I have really been thinking a lot recently how my life is so much like hers. I find myself smiling when it occurs to me something I just did or said was something she would do or say. She taught me so much but I think the thing I am most thankful for it the lesson she taught me about love. First of all, is to love the Lord and put my faith in Him alone. Secondly, to love my family unconditionally. She was so good as showing love to all of us, she was always there for us, no matter what. Maybe she didn't like the things we were doing, but she still loved 100%. Thirdly, she taught me to love others as well, to always reach out to lend a helping hand if it was needed. She never hesitated to love someone, if it they didn't seem lovable, she never cared what anyone might think of her for loving "the unlovable". I think this trait is one that EVERYONE remembers about her. Her heart was so big and had so much love. She was an awesome example of honest to goodness LOVE. I pray that others see the same trait in me. I want to be remembered like that when I am gone. I want people to know I loved. I am striving to show that Christlike love to every person.

Another lesson she taught me that I cherish, is to be happy with my life. Even when things are hard, when things aren't going as I had planned, when thing just aren't perfect.......be happy and be thankful for the blessing I do have. She taught me that material things do not mean anything at all. She taught me how to smile when there didn't seem to be anything to smile about. I am so thankful that I learned this from her. I really do strive to stay happy in all circumstances. I am not saying that I don't get sad, or angry, or scared, or nervous or whatever other feeling, just that deep down in my heart I can be happy with my life, truly happy.

Thirdly, and this one goes hand in hand with being happy, she taught me to have fun! Oh, did she ever know how to have fun. She loved life and it showed. She always found a way to make others smile and laugh, whether it was making a silly face, pinching them with her toes, tickling, poking, picking, or just being herself. When she was around, you knew it would be fun! When we were kids she was always trying to come up with something fun to do. It may have been making a craft, cooking or baking, going for a walk or just playing on the floor with us or snuggling in her bed. She taught me how to enjoy life and I hope that I can show my children and those around me just a little bit of what she taught me.

My mama was my friend, and my hero. I thank God for her and all she taught me. I pray that I can be to my children what she was to me. I can't wait to see her again and spend eternity with her....never to be separated again.

I know this lifetime is but a moment in God's eyes. I know His plan is perfect. I am thankful I have the hope He gives. I don't know how anyone who doesn't believe can survive times like this. It is only through Christ, I find my strength, my comfort, my hope. He is the one who carries me through the days, when I just don't have the strength to do it on my own. I treasure the comfort He gives me when I just want to sit in a corner and cry. I know He is with me and He will never leave me. I know He has my life in His hands and He has the perfect plan, even if I don't understand or maybe I don't even like it, I will trust Him.

I miss you mama, I will never ever forget you. You will always be in my heart and a part of my life. I will always keep your memory alive. I love you.