Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Always Remembering....Never Forgetting....4 years

Another year has passed and yet it still seems impossible. The pain of losing my mama is still just as hard now as it was when I got that phone call. I miss my mama so much every day. There is never a day that passes that thoughts of her don't come to my mind. It may be some funny thing she did, it may be memories of good times or even bad times. She was such a huge part of my life and the empty spot is still there every single day. I am so thankful for the time I had with her but how I wish she was still here. I wish I could tell her how much she means to me, how much I love her. My mama was and always will be my hero. I wish I could go running to her when the day has been long and hard. So many times, I still reach for the phone just to hear her voice. She was always there for me. I just need to feel her mama arm wrap around me again and whisper in my ear that it will be ok and that she loves me. Nothing can take the place of that and oh, I miss just knowing she was there. I miss the long talks we would have and all the times we would just sit and laugh. She could always bring a smile to my face. I wish I could see her smile. I know she is with me, I can feel her by my side. I feel her when the wind blows through my hair, I see her when a butterfly flutters around my head, I see her eyes twinkle when I look up at the stars and I hear her happiness when I hear the birds sing.

I tried to convince myself today would be better. I wasn't going to cry, I was just going to remember mama and smile at all the good times we had. That isn't working...the day has just began and I can't stop the tears.

I know I posted these last year but I am going to close with these again.


note: before playing video, scroll to bottom of this page to stop music.


A special song written by Randy for my mama.


Hello Mary Ann
Butterflies around us now
Lift our hearts up off the ground
Take us far away from here
And wipe away our tears.
Blue sky won't you turn to rain
Wash away our suffering
Help us all feel good again
And forget the pain.
Take it all away from me
Make it how it used to be
The perfect love that I still see
What purpose did it have to be?
Now I lay me down to sleep
Butterflies are in my dreams.
Remind me of a love so deep
Hello Mary Ann.
Everywhere I look I see
The kindness of your love so deep
I only wish that I could see
Your smiling face again.
Butterflies around her now
On her head they placed a crown.
He said you did not let us down.
Hello Mary Ann
Hello Mary Ann.

I am going to leave with the words to this song. It was always mama and my special song and is even moreso now.....she is my hero, she will always be the wind beneath my wings. I miss you mama, and I love you. I can't wait to see you again.


It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.
So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strain.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.
It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth,
of course I know it.I would be nothing without you.
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.
Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,thank God for you,
the wind beneath my wings.

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