My candle is barely flickering.....

The past while I have been thinking so much about my life....to be more exact, I should say my spiritual life. I don't really know exactly how to explain the spot I am in spiritually.....I guess the best way to describe it is I have been lukewarm, and honestly I am not sure I was even lukewarm. (Revelation 3:16(NIV) So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold). I don't like being this way and I am ready to turn my life back to the Lord and let HIM start my fire again. I know I haven't been opening my heart up like I should be for the past couple years, and I know I have been holding onto a lot of hurt and anger and various other emotions. I am having a hard time putting it all into words, because even though I have had this cold spot in my heart, I also know and am so thankful for the comfort and peace I have had that I know has only come from the Lord. I know I have only been able to make it through this past couple of years because of the hope I have found in Jesus Christ, but yet, I have tried so hard to "avoid" HIM and close my heart's door.
This is my turning point though, I am recommitting my life and my heart and my everything to the Lord. I know this has been a long time coming and my heavenly Father has been waiting with open arms to come back to him. I know I should have never slipped this far "out of touch" and I am longing to get back. I am ready to get out of this darkness and get back into the light of Jesus' grace, mercy and love. I know it has always been right here, always readily available to me, but yet my own stubbornness and hardheadedness wouldn't let me bask in the light. I have been trying my best to hide under that bush, like the song my mama used to always sing to us.....This little light of mine.......hide it under a bush, OH NO!.........but that is exactly what I have been doing. I am ready to come out from under this bush, I am ready to stand fully in the light of the Lord and to do my best to let it shine through me. I want my husband and children to once again see Christ's love shining through me in all that I do. I don't want to be the one blocking His light from shining fully on my family and everyone around me. I am tired of putting on the front that everything is happy happy and all is great. It hasn't been in my heart. I have known this and have kept trying to cover it up, but I am tired and weary from all of this. It is way more work trying to block the light of HIS love than it is to just open up my heart and life and let Him shine His love and His light on and through me. I am ready to make a new start. Starting right now........I am turning my life back into the hands of God...and oh, does it feel wonderful. I feel as though a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I know the Lord has been with me the entire time, whispering "come back, come back" but yet, I chose to ignore Him. I am not ignoring His voice anymore......I am coming home....back into the loving arms of my Lord and Saviour..............